Ah. Tread lightly here ladies.
This situation can end up haunting you for the rest of your life if you don’t do it right. He just proposed. You’re unbelievably excited to spend the rest of your life with him. But you look down at your left ring finger and aren’t in love with the ring. Now what? Do you say something? Do you say nothing?
Here’s the deal: I fully understand that you don’t want to hurt his feelings. It’s the last thing you want. However, if it is important to you and is going to bother you that you don’t love your ring, you’re going to need to figure out a way to say something. There’s no shame in being honest. If it’s early enough in the engagement, your jeweler should be more than happy to exchange it. So here are my words of advice when talking with your hubby-to-be about this symbol of love.
How To Tell Your Fiancé You Don’t Like Your Engagement Ring
1) When You Know, You Know
I’ve read so many of these sites that say: give it a couple days and sleep on it. I call BS. You likely have been thinking about your engagement ring for years and if you don’t like it, you know. It’s not something you go back and forth about. You either love it or you don’t. If you don’t love it, be graceful in the moment but have the conversation ASAP. Don’t sit and ponder whether not you want to have a conversation if you know that it’s not the one. Start the conversation by asking why he chose this particular ring. Really listen to where he is coming from and his original intent to give you the ring of your dreams. You and I both know he had the best of intentions when picking it out. So hear him when he describes his process. When he’s done, he might ask if you’re not happy with it. If he doesn’t, don’t make him fish for it. Just be honest tell him that you love the thought that he put into the ring but you would be interested in going to the jeweler to look at other options. Be specific in describing what you’re interested in and head to your jeweler together. I let Brandon know right away that I’d like to look at other options. He wanted me to love the original ring because he loved it. I liked it but I didn’t love it. This left us in a pickle: should he love it or should I?
2) Should He Love It or Should You?
This is the choice we had to make. Brandon and I were originally in sync on what my ring would look like: rectangular center stone with a simple pave band. He had been shopping for the right stone for a few months and had it picked out and ready the day of his proposal. But upon arriving at Peter Marco’s, he and his best friend found a ring that looked nothing like the ring I wanted but he fell in love with it. He chose that ring to propose to me with, which is why I was a bit confused during the proposal. I liked it but it wasn’t what I had in mind so we went to the jeweler the very next day and looked at the other options. I ended up finding a ring that was smaller than the one he originally got me but was much more fitting to my personality and aesthetic. But now we had a problem: he had a ring he loved and I had one I loved. This is where you have to make a trade off. If your heart is set on something different and your man, you need to discuss who gets the final say.
3) Don’t Compromise
The best advice our jeweler gave to us was “don’t compromise.” If you like one style and he likes another, don’t try to mesh them together. We started down this path. Since he loved the oval center stone with side stones and I wanted a rectangular center stone with a pave band, what if we combined the two? Maybe we could go with an oval stone and a pave a band? No. Just no. That is going to get you nowhere because you will end up with the ring that neither one of you absolutely love. I didn’t want to just like my ring and Brandon didn’t want to just like it either. One of you has to to love the ring. So there’s two schools of thought here: 1) since you’re the one wearing it every day, you should be the one who loves it or 2) since it’s a sign of his love for you, he should love it and be proud to see you wear it each day. Either approach works – have that conversation and may the most convincing partner win 😉 Play nice. No strong arming. You want to feel like both of you won at the end of this process.
4) Pick the Wedding Band You Love
If he gets his way with the engagement ring, you should get to choose the wedding band you love. You will see it for the rest of your life as well so make sure that your thoughtful about exactly what you want. Make this process fun and use it as an opportunity to bond with your hubby-to-be.5) Size Doesn’t Matter
Contrary to what you believe, when it comes to your engagement ring, size does not matter. If you are only having the conversation about changing your engagement ring because you want a bigger stone, hear me loud and clear: DON’T. This is a lose lose. It’s not about how much he spent. Or how big your friend’s rings are. Or how much more he could have paid. Asking for a bigger stone is a big fat no. Period. If you want to get a bigger ring later, either buy it yourself or save the conversation for an anniversary. But the time is not right now. He just got down on one knee and asked you to be with him for the rest of his life. Do you really want him to remember this moment by going back to the jeweler because you weren’t happy with how large the stone was? No – trust me. You don’t.
Well well that concludes Engagement Week:) Next week, we’ll be talking all about our surprise engagement party! For now, it’s time to take a pause and enjoy the weekend. It’s my dad’s 60th birthday today so I’m ready to PARTAY. Our whole family is coming into town, which only happens once or twice a year. I can hardly wait. They’re even staying at our house instead of my parent’s which is a big change for us. My parent’s home has been the Workman watering hole for decades so to be able to host my family at our house is a special treat. We’re having 100 people over tomorrow so I need to get cleaning…
Until Monday – xoxo Natalie
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