Ah yes. The age old question – why do younger girls fall for older guys?
The answer: it’s complicated.
Phew – that was easy. See you tomorrow guys!
I kid I kid. Let’s dig into this. I have my opinions and can speak from personal experience on the matter. I understand that some women exclusively date older men. Like – it’s a criteria before going out a date. This wasn’t me.
Never in a million years did I think that I’d date an older guy.
It seemed like a weird concept at the time – granted, I was in college and there weren’t a plethora of older guys hanging around in the quad looking to be set up on a date. #thankgod
But scarcity isn’t the only reason I never considered dating older. To be honest, I had never given it much thought. I’ve only been in 2 serious relationships before Brandon. They were both great guys (both my age) who taught me lessons that only young love can but both of those relationships lacked something I didn’t understand at the time: the feeling of security.
Security is a scary word to use when describing anything.
To me, nothing is actually secure: not your home, the economy, your job, your finances, your relationships, or your next breath. I don’t believe that anything is secure. However, older men have the ability to teach you what security feels like. Stick with me on this one.
Sure – any number of threats could end my relationship with Brandon tomorrow. He could fall out of love with me, get hit by a bus, fall into a coma, or lock himself in the bathroom – never to find his way out. None of this is likely but it’s possible, well maybe not the bathroom part. But the security I’m talking about isn’t dependent on what tomorrow brings – it stems from how he’s taught me to create the life I want to live. Call it manifestation. Call it law of attraction. I identify it as feeling secure in myself and my ability to decide how I want to live this life. This is singlehandedly the greatest gift Brandon’s ever given me.
My theory is this: when you’re young, you’re still figuring out your place in the world and many big decisions are ahead. Your career, kids, where you want to live, your lifelong friends. All of this is still to be decided but, if you’re anything like me, you want to do it right. You don’t want to mess up. You don’t want to spend your precious years on this planet wasting your time in a job you hate, with people who don’t inspire you, living a life where you wake up at 60 and think “what have I done with my life?” This scenario is to be avoided AT ALL COSTS. As an alternative, you want to find the richest, most joy-filled path from point A (birth) to point to Point B (death) while avoiding any unnecessary stumbles along the way.
Sign me up for the guide in life who you can trust to help you navigate the journey ahead because they’ve walked it before you.
This is what older men provide.
If I met Brandon when he was 25, I might have thought he was interesting and confident but I can guarantee we would not have dated. Why is that? He didn’t know what he was doing and wasn’t in a position to teach me something. We would have been equals. Don’t get me wrong – I certainly believe today that Brandon and I are equals. But I’ve found someone that I can learn from because we’re not equal in life experience – he can teach me things I don’t know how to do and show me how to do them bigger, better, and faster than I could have on my own. His story is filled with lessons learned that he shares with me constantly. He pushes me in ways that come from years of him pushing himself and breaking through his own self-limiting beliefs. Brandon helped me find a security in myself that no guy my age ever had.
Now, take a guess at who is the biggest champion of this blog?
You guessed it – Brandon. At first, was he skeptical about throwing the ups and downs of our personal lives out in the internet for everyone to see? You bet. But he understood the vision and has supported me since day one. And honestly, he has the most to lose with this blog. He’s spent 4 decades building meaningful relationships with team members and customers who will now be privy to very personal information about his life. Can you imagine if your boss’ wife started sharing their relationship on a blog? It might be awkward at first but he’s bought into the vision of how it can help people. The security he has in himself allows him to say, “great idea babe. How can I help?” THAT is security. It’s pure magic and the reason I adore him.
Now we can’t talk about security without discussing the financial component.
Many posts to come will dive into detail about not only dating an older man, but a wealthy older man so, for now, I will say this: does his money provide me freedom? Of course it does. I’m able to have experiences I could only have dreamt about a few years ago. So sure – his money creates freedom for both of us however his money will never make me feel secure because security simply can’t be found in money. Security is a mindset.
This belief is the single greatest bond I have with Brandon. And I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. The younger women I know who fell for older men describe a similar experience of being attracted to the way their guy looks at the world with a creation mentality. Because they have the confidence that they can create their reality, and a track record to show it’s possible, they become much more attractive than their younger counterpart.
I do want to mention that I don’t think it’s impossible for younger guys to have this same characteristic. Given the right mentors and enough reading coupled with the intentionality to gain as much experience as possible, it’s certainly possible. But what I’ve found is most guys in their 20s just aren’t focused on this yet. Security comes from getting kicked around just enough times to learn that your failures are nobody’s fault but your own. So figure out what you did wrong and do it better next time. Brandon’s definitely been kicked around a time or two and he says it took him until his mid-30s to learn that everything wrong in his life is his responsibility to fix. So fix it he did. And still does.
When you come from a place of believing everything wrong in your life is your fault, you don’t wait on anyone else to make changes.
You look to yourself and do what needs to be done to create a different result. When you put this into practice over and over and over, you become secure in your ability to fix your life. This is the ultimate security.
Whooo. That was a lot. Are you still with me? I want to know your thoughts. Why did you fall for your older guy? This post is only Part I because I know there are many other reasons women date older guys – I’ve only scratched the surface. On Part II, I’ll be featuring some of your answers so drop me a line: [email protected]
Should we get Brandon on the blog to chime in? I’m thinking he should do a post on why older guys fall for younger girls. His answers might surprise you.
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